Month: January 2013

When You Know You Need a Good Cry

By:  Lianne Johnson, LPC

I recently came across this blog post and thought it was worth sharing.  On a broader note….Hope and Healing is a blog I follow that you may also enjoy.  The blogger is Lundy Bancroft.  He specializes in working with victims and survivors of domestic violence, abuse, and trauma.

Here is his post I want to share with you… (sorry the below formatting isn’t the best)


                I wrote a previous post about the powerful healing role that crying can play, especially if you can train yourself to cry hard and long. Many women who have heard me speak about this subject have said to me, “There are times when I can tell that I need to cry, because I’ve built up so much pent-up emotions, but I can’t do it. How do I get that cry to come out of me when it’s stuck?”
                There are several techniques to use to get that dam to break:
  •  Make a crying date with yourself, where you actually set aside time and find a way to be alone. Tears are much more likely to come when you know you won’t have to choke them right back off again.
  • Collect some of the music that has brought you to tears before. Listening to your favorite sad or touching song can be a great way to get your crying started; and once the ice breaks, you’ll move on soon to crying about issues that have been weighing on you.
  • Spend some time thinking about memories from long ago. It’s usually easier to start crying about sadnesses from far in the past. 
  • Let your crying take you where it wants to go. Sometimes you will be sad about an old loss, and suddenly you’ll find that instead you’re crying about an event from yesterday. The opposite will happen also, where tears about a recent emotional wound carry you into deep sobbing about a much earlier period in your life. Don’t fight this process; your soul knows exactly which piece it needs to grieve today. 
  • Photographs can be powerful for evoking emotion. So can certain passages from books, pieces of poetry, or scenes from movies. Draw on whatever gets you going.
  • If you have a trusted friend, see if she would sit with your or hold you while you cry. Similarly, you can imagine your best friend or closest relative sitting with you even if you are actually crying by yourself, and that image can help the tears flow.
  • Anger can help to unlock crying. Yell into a pillow or pound on couch cushions, and keep at it for a long time, ten or fifteen minutes or more. Try to make yourself feel powerful; the more your rage comes from a place of power, the more likely it is to unleash your tears.
                Almost anyone can cry (especially among women), but not many people can cry deeply and at length except by training themselves to do so. In other words, learning to cry is a skill, like studying an instrument or developing your athletic abilities. The more effort you put in the deeper the rewards.
If you’re interested in reading more from Lundy Bancroft here you go…

The book I have been recommending like crazy!

By:  Lianne Johnson, LPC

Of late I find myself recommending the book, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene’ Brown, to as many people as I can.  Perhaps you have read it.  If so, what did you think?

Her subtitle (or whatever it is called) is, “Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.”  I mean really, in a culture like ours and with a subtitle like that, who wouldn’t be allured to read it!

Brene’ Brown is easy to read, straight-forward, honest in disclosing her own struggles with her own journey to learn who she is, and quite insightful.  If you choose to read this book (which obviously I think you should) you will read about topics like shame, guilt, our struggles with perfectionism, our fear of being known for who we are and how all of these lead us down a path of self-judgement, isolation, and over-identification.

She goes on to share how we can break free from these strongholds and learn to experience self-compassion, common humanity, mindfulness, and ultimately freedom to be who we have been created to be without fearing our common man.

So what on earth are you waiting for?  Stop reading this (since this post is now finished anyway) and get your copy today!  At least that’s what I would do if I were you.

Have a great day to all who chose to read!