After writing my last blog, about how social media can actually hinder our relationships by offering information more than connection, I came across this wonderful TED Talk by Sherry Turkle called “Connected, but alone?” She has studied communication for many years and has seen the impact of technology on connection.

She explains that our electronic devices “not only change what we do, but change who we are.” That is a big statement! It sounds a bit scary to me. She goes on to talk about how we are getting used to a new way of being alone, together. “People want to customize their lives.” She explains that we use our devices to direct our attention to whatever we most want to give it to. In doing this, we neglect our capacity for relationship with others in real time, as well as our relationship with ourselves as we diminish our self-reflection. “We use conversations with each other, to learn how to have conversations with ourselves….”

We edit. We hide. We use technology to cure our loneliness, yet avoid our vulnerability.

Technology offers 3 Gratifying Fantasies:

1. We can put our attention wherever we want it to be.

2. We will always be heard.

3. We will never have to be alone.

The last one is the most troubling with regards to how our new way of living is changing our psyches! My smart phone is changing me! Our inability to tolerate being alone, always grabbing for a device even in small moments of isolation, is decreasing our capacity to find ourselves. It is creating a new way of “being.” In solitude, we find ourselves. Inability to tolerate solitude, leads us instead to look to others to find ourselves.

Sherry Turkle leaves us with this sobering thought, while encouraging toward more self-awareness in our use of technology:

“If we’re not able to be alone, we are going to be more lonely. And if we don’t teach our children to be alone, they’re only going to know how to be lonely.”

by:  Courtney Hollingsworth, LPC