by: Andy Gear, PLPC
This Friday and Saturday we (two other Avenues counselors and I) attended a workshop on Understanding and Treating Sexual Addiction taught by Richard Blankenship: author, president, and director of the International Association of Certified Sexual Addiction Specialists (IACSAS). I wanted to pass some of what I learned on to you:
Addiction is the excessive use of pleasure and excitement to obliterate emotional pain
Addictive Sexuality ends in despair and shame
Healthy Sexuality ends in joy and connectedness (Hatterer)
An addict’s Core Beliefs are:
1. I am a bad, unworthy person
2. No one would love me as I am
3. No one will meet my needs
4. Sex or a relationship is my most important need
5. God is not powerful enough or trustworthy enough to meet my deepest needs (Carnes)
Basically an addict believes that grace is for everyone but me. Addicts are full of shame, which can be described as:
Self
Hatred
Accepting
My
Enslavement
This shame and wounds from one’s past help drive the cycle of addiction:
This Friday and Saturday we (two other Avenues counselors and I) attended a workshop on Understanding and Treating Sexual Addiction taught by Richard Blankenship: author, president, and director of the International Association of Certified Sexual Addiction Specialists (IACSAS). I wanted to pass some of what I learned on to you:
Addiction is the excessive use of pleasure and excitement to obliterate emotional pain
Addictive Sexuality ends in despair and shame
Healthy Sexuality ends in joy and connectedness (Hatterer)
An addict’s Core Beliefs are:
1. I am a bad, unworthy person
2. No one would love me as I am
3. No one will meet my needs
4. Sex or a relationship is my most important need
5. God is not powerful enough or trustworthy enough to meet my deepest needs (Carnes)
Basically an addict believes that grace is for everyone but me. Addicts are full of shame, which can be described as:
Self
Hatred
Accepting
My
Enslavement
This shame and wounds from one’s past help drive the cycle of addiction:
Some things I should know if I am a spouse of a sexual addict:
1. Don’t blame yourself for the perpetrators problem
2. Don’t minimize the grief and pain
3. Stay in community
4. The only person you can be responsible for is you!
Some things I should know if I am a sexual addict:
1. Sexual Addiction is an Intimacy Disorder at its core
2. Recovery must take place in community
3. Pride, arrogance, and isolation are the top enemies of recovery
4. Recovery takes work, but it is doable!
Tools of Recovery:
1. Join a Support Group
FirstLight
Celebrate Recovery
Therapy Groups
L.I.F.E Groups
2. Find a good Counselor (Blankenship)
Does any of this sound like you or your spouse? If so, I would encourage you to begin this process as soon as possible. It is never too late to start the journey towards healthy sexuality!
1. Don’t blame yourself for the perpetrators problem
2. Don’t minimize the grief and pain
3. Stay in community
4. The only person you can be responsible for is you!
Some things I should know if I am a sexual addict:
1. Sexual Addiction is an Intimacy Disorder at its core
2. Recovery must take place in community
3. Pride, arrogance, and isolation are the top enemies of recovery
4. Recovery takes work, but it is doable!
Tools of Recovery:
1. Join a Support Group
FirstLight
Celebrate Recovery
Therapy Groups
L.I.F.E Groups
2. Find a good Counselor (Blankenship)
Does any of this sound like you or your spouse? If so, I would encourage you to begin this process as soon as possible. It is never too late to start the journey towards healthy sexuality!